Blip

I have had my first blip in the road. I did something to my hip. It hurt just a touch yesterday and I worked out without any problems, but today it hurts with every step I take. It makes me feel like I have the body of an 80 year old. Both Jeff and my mom told me that my goal of working out 6 days in the first week was a tad aggressive and unrealistic. I probably should have listened. So I'm taking a break tonight. That makes 5 work-outs during the first week, which isn't too shabby...so why do I feel like a failure? I'm really unhappy that I didn't meet my goal of 6 work-outs. Normally this would be enough for me to give up and go back to my old habits. This time I'm trying to be more positive about it. I have to listen to my body and I really feel like I did my best this week. I need to focus on that instead. And I need to push forward.

Another positive? I have been craving chicken fried steak for a couple of days and I was totally tempted to get take out to satisfy my craving...I didn't give in. If I'm still wanting to eat that in a few days maybe I will make homemade chicken fried steak with WHEAT flour instead of eating out at a restaurant where the portions are out of control.

Pictures and weigh-in tomorrow. I'm not expecting to lose weight yet...I'm still eating a ton of bad foods (minus sugary drinks and anything fried). But I feel stronger...and that's a really good place to be right now. I'll take it!

Ch-ch-changes!

I think my face is a little slimmer. Jeff noticed too. I don't think it's because I've lost weight...I think I've managed to reduce my sodium intake since I'm not drinking soda and I've cut out all fried food. Feels kinda nice. I actually felt pretty for the first time in a long time yesterday. I'm not sure if it's the fact that I feel like my face is slimmer or if it's because I am feeling better physically from the work-outs. But I don't really think it matters. A positive change is a sure sign that I'm going in the right direction!

Also-I worked out yesterday and today. That's four work-outs so far this week. Two more...I can do it!

I Can Relate

I found this to be very inspiring...and she reminded me of why I posted pics of myself yesterday when I was starting to wonder if I had made the right decision. Now I know I did. Thanks, Lindsay, for sending the link to that blog!

I worked out again today while B was at preschool and the boys were napping. I'm not gonna lie...I hurt. Bad. But I'm proud of myself.

Weigh In: Starting Point

Okay. Here it goes. I feel sick.
Starting weight: 213.4lbs

This is very difficult for me. Please be kind.

On a positive note, I worked out tonight and I didn't die.

One Step at a Time

I go through serious withdraws when I change my eating habits in a drastic way...I end up feeling like crap for a full week and I'm really not fun to be around. I would like to avoid that if possible. Jeff recently lost a bunch of weight by working out and changing his diet slowly over time. He was very successful, so we have decided that this is the way to go. I'm hoping that this will be less stressful and more manageable emotionally.

I gave up sugary drinks three weeks ago. That was pretty easy...that's why I chose that to be the first to go. I feel that I am ready for the next step...so tomorrow I will give up all fried foods. I also start working out tomorrow. I'm considering tomorrow to be the beginning of my life change...week one of my journey...even though I have been in preparation mode for a while.

I know the order in which I will cut foods out, but I haven't set a time frame. I'm having a hard time with that part. I'm scared to make that commitment. It makes it seem REAL. It's much easier to take this one small step at a time. Is that healthy? I'm not sure. I will be exploring this in depth...

In the meantime, here's the order in which I am cutting the foods out of my diet:

-all sugary drinks: check
-fried foods: start tomorrow
-fast food
-the transition from white to wheat
-desserts

Weigh in and pics tomorrow. I might throw-up.

"Overly" Emotional

I've been labeled my entire life, as I'm sure everyone is. My label=overly emotional/super sensitive...I think everyone in my life would agree that this is an accurate statement. I have always thought of this as a negative thing...something to be ashamed of.

I was watching The Biggest Loser tonight (recorded on my DVR from earlier this week) and Jillian said something to one of the contestants that really hit home for me. This particular contestant was having a really hard week...refusing to address the emotional side of why she over eats. Jillian had a come to Jesus with her. She said,"It's strength to show vulnerability. Only strong people can accept when they are hurting. Your emotions exist for a reason. They tell you when things are out of balance, when you are going in the wrong direction. They're a compass. They're meant to be felt and expressed and worked through, so you can grow."

So I am choosing to change my attitude about my "overly" emotional self. This is me...take it or leave it. I'm not going to apologize for it. I feel. That's a good thing.

Let's Get Physical

This video inspired me. I feel EXACTLY like this woman (I'm not that mean to my kids, but I'm definitely not the mom I want to be either). It's kinda funny that this woman did the Power 90 series...that's what I've been planning to do for a while. It's the best program out there in my opinion.

I'm going to start working out on Monday. Here's the schedule that I have set up for now:

-Power 90-6 days a week (GREAT program...see this transformation). It's a 90 day program and then I will reevaluate to see if I am ready for P90X.

-walk at least 5 miles during week 1 and then reevaluate. My hope is to walk more and more as the weeks go on since I am training for the 3 Day but I will have to see how the kids do with it. It may be something that I end up doing at night after the kiddos are in bed.

The 3 Day provides training advice and guidance. I'm waiting to see what they recommend...that could change the way I work out. We will see...in the meantime...I'm getting active!

I'm excited. And super nervous.

Go Big or Go Home

I have been on a thousand diets. I know exactly how to eat. I know exactly how to work out. And yet here I sit...still fat.

I came close to losing all the weight once. I lost 40 pounds on the Larry North diet. I have always thought that the diet was the reason I was successful. I was wrong. It just hit me one day...the reason that diet was successful was because I was working towards something...Acapulco. I wanted to look hot laying on my lounge chair by the pool. I reached 148 pounds before I went on the trip...eating carefully planned out meals and working out every. single. day. I looked good.

So...I figured I should have some motivation...something to work towards. And I found it.

60 miles. In 3 days. Go big or go home!

Why?

My name is Stephani...and I am fat.

This is it. It's time to do something about it. I can't live like this anymore. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I feel. I hate the way it effects my children and my husband, whom I love dearly.

So, why the blog? Because I'm hoping that this will hold me accountable. I plan on sharing my weight, pictures of myself in a sports bra (Biggest Loser style), and the emotional side of my over-eating...that's not an easy thing to do. I have decided to leave this blog public because I realized that sharing this with friends and family is the hard part...not the strangers that could potentially stumble across this very intimate look at myself. But maybe this is what I need so that I can be successful.

I'm also hoping to gain support by sharing my struggles and triumphs with you through this blog. YOU are crucial to my journey...I need your love, your support to get me through this. Please leave comments when I'm having a hard time or when I reach a goal. YOUR words of encouragement are valued and appreciated!

I will be laying out my weight loss plan this week. And next Monday, I will be posting a starting weight and picture. *cringe* My stomach is already in distress!