*sigh*

Not doing so well...not ready to talk about it. I will be back soon...

Weigh In: Week 11

Weight: 200.8lbs
Week's Loss: 2.2lbs
Total Loss: 14.4lbs

Week at a glance:

Food: My CPST training went really well. I was able to stick to my healthy eating the entire time. I had a rough time late in the week though...fell off the wagon a couple of times and thought I was going to stay at a stand still weight wise this week. Obviously that didn't happen and I was seriously shocked when I stepped on the scale for my weigh-in.

Work Outs:
Monday-walk 2.5 miles
Tuesday-off
Wednesday-P90 sculpt, walk 2.5 miles
Thursday-P90 cardio
Friday-off
Saturday-walk 2.5 miles
Sunday-off

Again, shocked at the weight loss this week. Work outs were difficult...this week was busier than any other week in my memory bank. Maybe climbing in and out of cars and installing car seats counts for something.

I'm not expecting to lose any weight for this coming weigh in...in fact I will probably gain. I'm okay with that. Jeff and I are celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary this weekend. We will be on "vacation" all weekend...the kids will be at my in-laws and we will have the entire weekend to ourselves. I plan to act like I'm really on vacation...we haven't had a break from all 3 kids at one time since...well...it's never happened. Not for a whole night. We are very excited. I plan to eat. And sleep. And read. And sleep. And eat. I will still weigh in just to keep record...I'm keeping with my healthy diet and work outs until Friday night. I will be okay with whatever the scale says. Monday will be a new day.

Pay Off

A friend (that I don't see very often) told me that she can see a visible change from the weight loss. This is nice to hear.

I see changes. Small. But they are there. It's totally possible that she was just being nice because she knows that I am working SO HARD at it. Whatever. I'll take it!

Weigh In: Week 10

Weight: 203.0lbs
Week's Loss: 2.0lbs
Total Loss: 12.2lbs

Week at a glance:

Food: This week was a pretty easy week but I'm still struggling more than I was in the beginning. I'm having trouble figuring out what the difference is...maybe less excitement? Not sure. It's annoying though.

Work Outs:
Monday-off
Tuesday-P90 sculpt
Wednesday-walk 2.5 miles
Thursday-walk 2.5 miles
Friday-walk 2.5 miles
Saturday-walk 2.5 miles
Sunday-walk 2.5 miles

I pulled a muscle in my neck on Tuesday...that pretty much ruined my P90 work outs. I think it was due to pushing the double jogger against the wind while we were out walking. It still hurts. *sigh*

I am really nervous about this week. I will be in training (getting my Child Passenger Safety Tech licence) tomorrow through Saturday. I have to be up at 5:30 and won't be getting home until 6:30ish due to the commute. This leaves little time for work outs. AND the food will be provided...both breakfast and lunch. I'm planning on packing my own food. I will probably look like a freak but I can't worry about that right now. Wish me luck!

***I have decided to stop posting pictures every week...it's kind of redundant. I will start doing pics at 4 week intervals...starting with week 12.***

Weigh In: Week 9

Weight: 205.0lbs
Week's Loss: .8lbs
Total Loss: 10.2lbs

Week at a glance:

Food: My weight loss was so low this week because of a "cheat" late in the week...I think it was Saturday night. It was calculated, thought about, talked about, and planned. The decision was based on the fact that this is not a diet...it's a lifestyle change. And sometimes it's okay to eat "bad" food. It actually felt good. There was no guilt afterwards and I didn't struggle with my ability to jump back to eating healthy...both are new to me.

Work Outs:

Monday-walk 1.5 miles

Tuesday-P90 sculpt, walk 2.5 miles

Wednesday-P90 cardio

Thursday-P90 sculpt, walk 2.5 miles

Friday-walk 2.5 miles

Saturday-walk .75 miles

Sunday-P90 cardio, walk 1.5 miles

I do get discouraged sometimes about how slow this process is but I have to remind myself that this time next year I will be a hot momma! It took me YEARS to put this weight on...it's not going to come off in one day. And I keep hearing that slow weight loss has better long term results...anyone know more about this?

It's coming!

I will post my weigh in results tonight. I have been feeling under the weather and spent the ENTIRE evening in Care Now last night and then came home and went straight to bed. Sorry I'm late!

Raffle!!!

Post a comment if you would like to purchase a ticket!

Weigh In: Week 8

Weight: 205.8lbs
Week's Loss: 2.8lbs
Total Loss: 9.4lbs

Week at a glance:

Food: This week was rough. I found myself struggling more than I have been. I crave certain foods and it's hard for me to turn that voice off. I worked through it for the most part...I gave in to a Snickers bar on Saturday. It wasn't worth it...it made my stomach hurt...and it made me feel guilty, which I hate. I'm white-knuckling it at this point...

Work Outs:

Monday-walk 2.5 miles

Tuesday-walk 2 miles

Wednesday-walk 2.5 miles

Thursday-P90 sculpt

Friday-P90 cardio, walk 2.5 miles

Saturday-P90 sculpt

Sunday-P90 cardio

I was a little upset that I couldn't walk Saturday and Sunday because the weather was so yucky. But happy with the weight loss...almost 10lbs total. I'll take it!

***Blogger is messing up my spacing...sorry...I've tried several times to fix it!***

My Other Motivation

They are my heart. They are my soul. They are my everything.

I'm doing this for myself.

I'm doing this for them.

I deserve to be happy with myself and they deserve to have a healthy wife/mommy.

It's a win/win.

Weigh In:Week 7

Weight: 208.6lbs

Week at a glance:

Food: I started out the week strong but Saturday was a little difficult. I was a co-host of a friend's baby shower, I was super stressed (insert long story about a stupid cake here), and there was a ton of yummy food. You do the math. BUT it could have been worse...much worse, actually. I did NOT eat any of the aforementioned stupid cake.

Work outs:
Probably my strongest week so far!
Monday-P90 cardio
Tuesday-walk 2.5 miles
Wednesday-P90 cardio, walk 2.5 miles
Thursday-P90 sculpt, walk 2.5 miles
Friday-P90 cardio
Saturday-P90 sculpt, walk 1.2 miles
Sunday-P90 cardio, walk 1.5 miles

I know I've been slacking on my posts...it's been really hard to find time with the fundraising and work outs. I'm gonna try harder this week because it's cathartic for me to write.

Topics coming soon:
-my new shoes!
-a new fundraiser

Weigh In: Week 6

Weight: 211.0lbs

Please excuse the look on my face in the first picture...not really sure what happened there but wow.

Week at a glance:

Food: Even better than last week! It's not even that hard this time. I'm not sure if it's because I'm really ready to make the change this time or if it's because my focus is elsewhere. I was sitting at a table FULL of baked goods for almost the entire day on Saturday and I wasn't even tempted. No desserts this week either!

Work outs:

Monday-off

Tuesday-P90 sculpt, walked 1 mile (boys would NOT cooperate)

Wednesday-P90 cardio, walked 2.5 miles

Thursday-P90 sculpt, walked 2.5miles

Friday-off

Saturday-P90 cardio, walked 2.5miles

Sunday-walked 2.5 miles (IN THE RAIN...I'm so hardcore! LOL!)

Epic Fail?

I had the bright idea last Tuesday to call my dad and ask if I could do a little bake sale fundraiser in his shop (he's a managing partner for Firestone Tire and Service) the following Saturday. And my dad, being awesome, said to bring it on.

So I busted my behind on Friday. I went to Target and spent $30 on baking supplies and then I went to Party City where I spent $20 on plastic party trays and some napkins. I drove to my mom and dad's house where I picked up some baked goods that my mom made to help me out. I got home and spent several hours baking...5 dozen cookies, a box of brownies, and two batches of rice crispy treats. And then after the kids were in bed, Jeff and I spent two hours wrapping everything in cellophane and pretty ribbon. We were seriously exhausted, so we went to bed a little earlier than usual for a Friday night.

Alarm went off at 5am. I rolled my behind out of bed and hopped in the shower, got dressed, and ate a quick bowl of cereal while Jeff loaded the car. One small glitch...he couldn't find my card table. We looked for 30 minutes and then finally threw up our hands because there was no where else the table could be. I realized it was a lost cause and decided to pick one up at Lowes on the way. That was another $50. Nice.

I get to my dad's shop and set all my stuff up. The lobby was PACKED. So I sat, and I waited. And then I sat some more. And then I started to feel really stupid. NO ONE was even acknowledging that I was there. Thankfully, I had a book with me so I read a little bit. And then, about an hour into it, I got a customer to donate $1. And then I sat. And felt stupid. Then my dad put in a $5 bill. Around noon (5 hours later) the SAME customer gave me another dollar. And that was it. My mom came in a little bit later and put in $3 and some shop guys gave $2 total. I made $16, $2 of which was from an actual customer.

During this time, I had given my dad the keys to my van for an oil change and check-up. I ended up needing a tire...another $140. UGH

As soon as my van was done, I packed up my stuff and got the hell outta there. Not a good day. Not a good experience. I was in a horrible mood...ready to pounce on anything that breathed in my direction. I was tired. I was hungry. I had spent an ungodly amount of money on an event that was supposed to make money.

When I got home I decided to walk, even though I REALLY didn't want to. But the fresh air did me good...I had time to think and process. I remembered that this is part of the journey. It's not supposed to be easy...I didn't want easy...I didn't sign up for easy. I signed up for BOLD and audacious and life-changing. Well obviously "BOLD" and "audacious" and "life-changing" aren't going to just fall into my lap. That's the whole point.

One of the things that I would like to change throughout this process is my tendency towards negative thinking. It doesn't have to be so absolute. I was using words like "epic fail"and "the worst day EVER"...that's a tad dramatic, dontchya think? There was some good that came out of it...I made nice with my brother that I hadn't talked to in a couple of months after an argument...I didn't eat ANY treats throughout the baking or sitting process...I got a little break from the kids...it gave me a chance to get the oil changed that was about two thousand miles overdue...I still convinced myself to walk and do my P90 work out even though it was a hard day. And I learned some things about fundraising...maybe bake sales are just not a great way to raise the money...that's okay. I will just have to find another way.

It's about the process. I want to soak it all in. Upward and onward.

Weigh In: Week 5

Weight: 213.0lbs

Week at a glance:

Food: This was the best week this far. I did MUCH better...social settings tend to be difficult but I did better than I thought I would during the fundraiser, surrounded by donuts and cookies. I also ate out twice that day and made really good decisions...veggie soup and salad with carrots and tomatoes for lunch and subway, turkey on wheat-no cheese-and baked chips for dinner.

Work outs:

Monday-off

Tuesday-P90 sculpt

Wednesday-P90 cardio, walked 1.44 miles

Thursday-P90 sculpt

Friday-P90 cardio

Saturday-off

Sunday-walked 1.44 miles

Not too shabby!

Generosity, and the Power of Asking

Fundraising is...interesting. And new for me.

I mean, sure, I did the elementary school candy bar and wrapping paper sales but this is totally different. A whole new world, really. This isn't door-to-door salesman kind of fundraising, this is intense, kinda-in-your-face fundraising. Because the goal is bold...$2,300 (at least), it requires me to be bold too. That's the only way I will raise the money and it puts me so far out of my comfort zone it's not even funny.

I was planning on joining some friends for an all-day scrapbooking event at The Scrapbook Barn yesterday, so Kendra and I decided to try to make it into a fundraising event. You have to really put yourself out there to plan something like this, even though it was going to be a super small fundraiser. It's kind of nerve wracking. I was so sure the door was going to be slammed in my face (more on my negative thinking tomorrow, hopefully). But something amazing happened. I emailed the owner's daughter (per instruction) and she said we could do the event in their store! And then I got the local donut place to donate two dozen donuts...and Kendra got a bakery to give us 3 dozen cookies.

I stayed up late making a sign and typing up a little blurb about what we were doing. I was exhausted. Seriously. And then it was time for the event...and I found out that only one other person was signed up to scrapbook. I was upset and super pessimistic. But then a couple of people showed up and then a few more...and we ended up with around 15 women. And those women donated $50...not too shabby for such a small gathering!

It was a great way to get our feet wet. And I'm excited about our upcoming events...more on that to come!

Back On The Wagon

Moving on!

I'm back on the wagon and I'm feeling pretty good (besides a nasty case of shin splints...anyone have any tips?). I did my P90 sculpt yesterday and the P90 cardio today topped off with a 1.44 mile walk around the neighborhood. I thought it was going to be pretty painful to pick it back up but it hasn't been bad at all. I was really energized after my P90 today...hence the walk. I can tell I probably pushed it a little because my injury from a couple of weeks ago flared back up a bit. I took a steaming hot bath and have spent the evening on the couch. Hopefully I will be okay for tomorrow!

My eating has been pretty decent the past couple of days too. Yesterday I had cereal for breakfast, a Lean Cuisine and yogurt for lunch, and spaghetti (with whole wheat noodles) and green beans for dinner...and are you ready??? NO dessert!!! Today I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, a Lean Cuisine and yogurt for lunch, homemade cheese and tomato pizza (with minimal cheese and whole wheat thin crust) with a low-fat Caesar salad...and NO dessert! The hardest part of the eating for me (and Jeff) is at night, while we are watching TV. It's how we relax and unwind and spend time together. We ALWAYS eat during this time...and since the baby has been born it's gotten excessive. A HUGE bowl of ice cream with hot fudge is the norm but it's not unheard of for us to eat something we lovingly refer to as "4th meal"...basically a second, high-fat dinner that usually follows a decently healthy meal. I'm not gonna lie...I'm starving at night and it hasn't been easy. We eat dinner at 5:30 because of the kids. I'm hoping that my body will gradually get used to this.

The most important thing I'm learning is that it's okay to fail. What I'm doing is HARD. I have an addiction...and sometimes it will get the best of me. The important thing is that I get back up and kick the addiction's ass the next hour/day/week/whatever. It doesn't have the be the end of another failed "diet". So, this is me. Getting back up. And kicking the addiction's ass. Boo ya!

Weigh-In: Week 4

Weight: 215.2lbs

Bleh.

P90 starts full force again this week (Mondays are "off days" in the 3 Day training schedule so I'm sticking with that). My eating wasn't horrible today, but I'm really discouraged by the food aspect of this. I can deal with the fact that I was laid up for the last couple of weeks and obviously my work outs suffered...but the eating? I could have done better. I should have done better. I loathe myself right now...and it makes me wanna eat. *sigh*

Tomorrow's a new day, right?

Confession

I have been eating crap. LOTS of it. And I'm really disappointed in myself.

It's kind of a vicious cycle...do pretty good for a week (maybe two), "cheat", hate myself, soothe myself with more food. Rinse and repeat. How do I break the cycle? How do I beat this addiction to food and how it makes me feel? How do I cope?

I need to get real with myself.

Weigh-in later. And it won't be pretty.

3 Day Training

I have received and read through my 3 Day handbook and Team Captain training guide. 83 pages my friends and I read it in a couple of hours! It included pretty much everything I needs to know about the event, including training. The 3 day training is extensive and they offer an insane amount of support to help you reach your goals. I had the option of either a 16 week program or a 24 week program (pgs. 32 & 33...please let me know if this link does not work)...with 261 days left until the event I feel like the 24 week course is the best choice. That also still leaves me quite a bit of time to get in better shape before the endurance training starts.

Right now, in this second, I cannot fathom walking 10, 15, or 20 miles at a time. I've never accomplished something like this. I've never challenged myself on this level. But I am confident that I can do this.

Go BIG, or go home!

I Did It!

I registered for the 3 Day! I am SUPER excited!

Our team name is "Walkers 4 Knockers" and I am the Team Captain. So far, it's still just me and Kendra but a couple of other girls have shown some interest. I would love for us to have a team of at least 4. We will see what happens.

I have a lot more to share with y'all...but it's almost midnight and I'm exhausted. G'night, friends!

Weigh In: Weeks 2 & 3

Weight: 213.0lbs

I lumped the last two weeks worth of weigh-ins because of a couple of reasons...1-I couldn't stand up straight for the pictures last Monday, 2-I wasn't able to do anything but sit on the couch this week, and 3-I was seriously discouraged and didn't really feel up to blogging until I got back on my feet.

I spent a lot of time behind the scenes, working on stuff for the 3 Day since I couldn't do much on the physical end. There is more coming on this...within a day or two...but the important thing for you to know right now is that I'm back! And I'm going to start my workouts back up tomorrow...no leg lifts and I have to take it easy, but it's a move in the right direction! Thanks for hanging with me guys!

Laid Up

I went to a follow-up appointment with my midwife yesterday. She got my records from the hospital when I went to the ER. She looked over those and asked me a ton of questions before she did the exam. She determined that I somehow managed to pull my round ligament muscle on my right side. She said that the pain has nothing to do with an ovarian cyst and was more than likely the result of having babies back to back and pushing myself too hard with the work outs recently. The treatment is pretty simple...I'm laid up on the couch for the next several days and I have to take anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxers every 8 hours. I'm supposed to alternate ice and heat and generally take it easy. MK...I can TOTALLY do that! I'm going to read, watch TV, and catch up on sleep. Jeff will be working from home and he is simply amazing at running the household while I'm down for the count. I'm SO blessed to have such a capable and caring hubby!

I'm allowed to start working out as soon as I feel NO pain...and I have to take it really slow and build back up. I'm going to utilize this time to do a bunch of research on the 3 Day. We have a team name picked out and I will be attending a "get started" meeting on Thursday evening, where I will get registered. I'm SUPER excited!!!

I still owe y'all a weigh-in. It's coming...sorry!

One Thing After Another

I didn't fit in a work-out on Saturday. We were SUPER busy.

And now I feel SUPER guilty because I couldn't work-out yesterday, and I can't work-out today, and probably not tomorrow either. I had to go to the ER yesterday afternoon. I had a severe pain come out of nowhere on my lower right pelvic area...it was so debilitating I couldn't walk. After blood work, a urine sample, a pelvic exam, and a sono it was determined that I have a small (1.6cm) cyst on my right ovary. I have a history of cysts and this one is really small and not showing any signs of causing problems (it's not twisted, it's not filled with blood, etc.). So I'm not understanding why it's causing so much pain. The doctor told me that there could have been a second cyst that ruptured...they don't always see that on a sono after the fact. That would make much more sense. She said *if* it was a ruptured cyst, the pain is usually much better within a day or two.

I'm not really sure where to go from here. I don't know if I should call my midwife tomorrow or wait a couple of days. The pain is much more manageable today so I'm leaning towards giving it another day or two. Cysts are a normal part of the female cycle, but they can cause problems if they do not burst after an egg is released. I'm in the middle of my cycle so it is completely expected that I would have a cyst of this size right now...totally normal. I don't really feel like there is a whole lot my doctor will do except tell me to wait and see what the cyst does after I start another period.

And what does this mean for working out? That's the most frustrating part. How long will I be out of the game? It's a wait and see kinda thing...and I'm not good at "wait and see". Bleh.

Weigh in tonight. I'll be back...

Working It Out

I'm starting to find my comfort zone with working out. I wasn't sure how I was going to fit it into my daily routine. It's tough with the three kids, their different schedules, B's school (which is about a 40 minute drive each way...that's 4 times a day on Tues/Thurs), and making sure I get to spend some much needed quality time with my husband every evening. But I'm starting to feel pretty confident that I can fit it in as long as I make it a priority...without having to wake up early (which is not an option at this point in my life when sleep is such a commodity). I'm also feeling stronger. I can tell that I'm making decent progress, especially with the push-ups and lunges...HUGE improvement! And I'm upping my weights for the strength training next week.

What I have NOT been able to figure out is how I'm supposed to walk every day. The weather has not been consistently cooperative and I don't have a treadmill. We have talked about purchasing one gently used but I really don't have the space for it. I'm not stressing about it yet. I feel like there is plenty of time and I can start to focus on that after the weather warms up a bit.

I have also been able to avoid the "forbidden" foods/drinks. I cut out all fast food on Monday (healthier fast food still okay, i.e. Subway) and I haven't even been tempted. My craving for chicken fried steak fell to the wayside so I never indulged. I am still eating a TON of sweets and higher fat foods, although I have started eating Lean Cuisines most days for lunch. Eating in front of the TV at night continues to be my biggest struggle.

The transition from white to wheat happens next Monday...which will probably be the most difficult yet, but it's gotta happen sometime!

Do It Anyway

I wanted something big. HUGE, really. That was the point...to find something that would motivate me to make a drastic change in my life. So I chose the 3 Day.

And then I lost my walking buddy. And I was REALLY upset and disappointed...and ready to give up on my dream (because that's what the 3 Day has become for me). I thought it was out-of-reach and that I would have to settle for something else to motivate me. Poor. Pitiful. Stephani.

But you know what I decided? No, damn it! I will NOT give up on myself! Do I wish that my friend would still want to walk with me? Absolutely! Am I gonna miss her like crazy through this process? You bet your ass! But it's not a deal breaker.

I have decided to go forward with my plan to do the 3 Day in November. My husband and my friend, Kendra have both offered to do the walk with me. I am very realistic that there is a possibility that we may not be able to raise the money necessary for all three of us to participate ($2,300 each). Kendra has a small network of people to get donations from (as do I)...meaning that the majority of the funds will need to come from fundraising, which is obviously VERY time consuming. She also has 3 very young children at home that she cares for practically by herself since her husband's job requires long hours. Jeff will be pulling donations from the same pool of people that I will be. We have decided that we will work on reaching "my" $2,300 first and if we are successful we will start to work on earning his way into the 3 Day. I have made the decision to walk "alone" if it ends up working out that way. I'm not gonna lie, the thought of that is kinda scary. It definitely wouldn't be my first choice...but I'm gonna do it anyway. I know I can do this! I WILL do this!

Go big, or go home!

Weigh In: Week 1

Weight: 213.8lbs




So, no weight loss but I'm okay with that. I worked out 5 days in the first week and I'm pretty proud of myself. I'm making progress physically, even if the number hasn't changed. On to week 2!

Another Blip...errr...Road Block?

My partner for the 3 day backed out. I'm not really sure where to go from here. I have a couple of options:

1. I can do the walk by myself, which is the least appealing option for me. This was supposed to be about camaraderie, friendship, girl-power...not so much if I do it by myself. And who wants to walk 60 miles and share a tent with a stranger? Yes, I'm sure I would make a few friends along the way...I just don't think I have it in me to do this alone.

2. Jeff offered to do it with me, which would be great except for the financial aspect of it. That means we would need to raise $4,600 using the same pool of friends, family, co-workers. And we would have to spend $180 in registration fees, $ for sleeping bags, $ for athletic gear. And a babysitter.

3. I can try to put another group together. I've put the word out there and only have one person interested. I'm honestly not willing to do this as a group of two at this point...too much can happen and then all of the hard work would be for nothing.

4. I can find something else to motivate me. I feel like this is the best option at this point. And that sucks.

I'm basically back at square one. Bleh. Makes me feel like giving up. But I won't. Some words of encouragement would be great at this point.

I will post my weigh in results and pictures this evening.

Blip

I have had my first blip in the road. I did something to my hip. It hurt just a touch yesterday and I worked out without any problems, but today it hurts with every step I take. It makes me feel like I have the body of an 80 year old. Both Jeff and my mom told me that my goal of working out 6 days in the first week was a tad aggressive and unrealistic. I probably should have listened. So I'm taking a break tonight. That makes 5 work-outs during the first week, which isn't too shabby...so why do I feel like a failure? I'm really unhappy that I didn't meet my goal of 6 work-outs. Normally this would be enough for me to give up and go back to my old habits. This time I'm trying to be more positive about it. I have to listen to my body and I really feel like I did my best this week. I need to focus on that instead. And I need to push forward.

Another positive? I have been craving chicken fried steak for a couple of days and I was totally tempted to get take out to satisfy my craving...I didn't give in. If I'm still wanting to eat that in a few days maybe I will make homemade chicken fried steak with WHEAT flour instead of eating out at a restaurant where the portions are out of control.

Pictures and weigh-in tomorrow. I'm not expecting to lose weight yet...I'm still eating a ton of bad foods (minus sugary drinks and anything fried). But I feel stronger...and that's a really good place to be right now. I'll take it!

Ch-ch-changes!

I think my face is a little slimmer. Jeff noticed too. I don't think it's because I've lost weight...I think I've managed to reduce my sodium intake since I'm not drinking soda and I've cut out all fried food. Feels kinda nice. I actually felt pretty for the first time in a long time yesterday. I'm not sure if it's the fact that I feel like my face is slimmer or if it's because I am feeling better physically from the work-outs. But I don't really think it matters. A positive change is a sure sign that I'm going in the right direction!

Also-I worked out yesterday and today. That's four work-outs so far this week. Two more...I can do it!

I Can Relate

I found this to be very inspiring...and she reminded me of why I posted pics of myself yesterday when I was starting to wonder if I had made the right decision. Now I know I did. Thanks, Lindsay, for sending the link to that blog!

I worked out again today while B was at preschool and the boys were napping. I'm not gonna lie...I hurt. Bad. But I'm proud of myself.

Weigh In: Starting Point

Okay. Here it goes. I feel sick.
Starting weight: 213.4lbs

This is very difficult for me. Please be kind.

On a positive note, I worked out tonight and I didn't die.

One Step at a Time

I go through serious withdraws when I change my eating habits in a drastic way...I end up feeling like crap for a full week and I'm really not fun to be around. I would like to avoid that if possible. Jeff recently lost a bunch of weight by working out and changing his diet slowly over time. He was very successful, so we have decided that this is the way to go. I'm hoping that this will be less stressful and more manageable emotionally.

I gave up sugary drinks three weeks ago. That was pretty easy...that's why I chose that to be the first to go. I feel that I am ready for the next step...so tomorrow I will give up all fried foods. I also start working out tomorrow. I'm considering tomorrow to be the beginning of my life change...week one of my journey...even though I have been in preparation mode for a while.

I know the order in which I will cut foods out, but I haven't set a time frame. I'm having a hard time with that part. I'm scared to make that commitment. It makes it seem REAL. It's much easier to take this one small step at a time. Is that healthy? I'm not sure. I will be exploring this in depth...

In the meantime, here's the order in which I am cutting the foods out of my diet:

-all sugary drinks: check
-fried foods: start tomorrow
-fast food
-the transition from white to wheat
-desserts

Weigh in and pics tomorrow. I might throw-up.

"Overly" Emotional

I've been labeled my entire life, as I'm sure everyone is. My label=overly emotional/super sensitive...I think everyone in my life would agree that this is an accurate statement. I have always thought of this as a negative thing...something to be ashamed of.

I was watching The Biggest Loser tonight (recorded on my DVR from earlier this week) and Jillian said something to one of the contestants that really hit home for me. This particular contestant was having a really hard week...refusing to address the emotional side of why she over eats. Jillian had a come to Jesus with her. She said,"It's strength to show vulnerability. Only strong people can accept when they are hurting. Your emotions exist for a reason. They tell you when things are out of balance, when you are going in the wrong direction. They're a compass. They're meant to be felt and expressed and worked through, so you can grow."

So I am choosing to change my attitude about my "overly" emotional self. This is me...take it or leave it. I'm not going to apologize for it. I feel. That's a good thing.

Let's Get Physical

This video inspired me. I feel EXACTLY like this woman (I'm not that mean to my kids, but I'm definitely not the mom I want to be either). It's kinda funny that this woman did the Power 90 series...that's what I've been planning to do for a while. It's the best program out there in my opinion.

I'm going to start working out on Monday. Here's the schedule that I have set up for now:

-Power 90-6 days a week (GREAT program...see this transformation). It's a 90 day program and then I will reevaluate to see if I am ready for P90X.

-walk at least 5 miles during week 1 and then reevaluate. My hope is to walk more and more as the weeks go on since I am training for the 3 Day but I will have to see how the kids do with it. It may be something that I end up doing at night after the kiddos are in bed.

The 3 Day provides training advice and guidance. I'm waiting to see what they recommend...that could change the way I work out. We will see...in the meantime...I'm getting active!

I'm excited. And super nervous.

Go Big or Go Home

I have been on a thousand diets. I know exactly how to eat. I know exactly how to work out. And yet here I sit...still fat.

I came close to losing all the weight once. I lost 40 pounds on the Larry North diet. I have always thought that the diet was the reason I was successful. I was wrong. It just hit me one day...the reason that diet was successful was because I was working towards something...Acapulco. I wanted to look hot laying on my lounge chair by the pool. I reached 148 pounds before I went on the trip...eating carefully planned out meals and working out every. single. day. I looked good.

So...I figured I should have some motivation...something to work towards. And I found it.

60 miles. In 3 days. Go big or go home!

Why?

My name is Stephani...and I am fat.

This is it. It's time to do something about it. I can't live like this anymore. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I feel. I hate the way it effects my children and my husband, whom I love dearly.

So, why the blog? Because I'm hoping that this will hold me accountable. I plan on sharing my weight, pictures of myself in a sports bra (Biggest Loser style), and the emotional side of my over-eating...that's not an easy thing to do. I have decided to leave this blog public because I realized that sharing this with friends and family is the hard part...not the strangers that could potentially stumble across this very intimate look at myself. But maybe this is what I need so that I can be successful.

I'm also hoping to gain support by sharing my struggles and triumphs with you through this blog. YOU are crucial to my journey...I need your love, your support to get me through this. Please leave comments when I'm having a hard time or when I reach a goal. YOUR words of encouragement are valued and appreciated!

I will be laying out my weight loss plan this week. And next Monday, I will be posting a starting weight and picture. *cringe* My stomach is already in distress!